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Aug 16, 2018 - “This past year has been the most difficult and painful year of my career,” he said. The year has only gotten more intense for Mr. Musk, the chairman and chief. Multiple times, noting that he nearly missed his brother's wedding this summer and spent. I've had friends come by who are really concerned.”. Apr 30, 2014 - Mean Girls was released ten years ago today, which is a thing that should make us. But I've already done hard time in 2004 for an earlier installment of my. Mark's Place: This track was co-written by Steve Jones of the Sex Pistols. It was the last one before my folks started making me get summer jobs,.
Hewitt at the premiere of 27 Dresses in 2008 | |
Born | February 21, 1979 (age 40) |
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Residence | Pacific Palisades, Los Angeles, California, United States[1] |
Occupation |
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Years active | |
Known for | |
Spouse(s) | |
Children | 2 |
Musical career | |
Genres | |
Instruments | Vocals |
Labels |
Jennifer Love Hewitt (born February 21, 1979)[2] is an American actress, singer, songwriter, producer, and director. Hewitt began her career as a child actress and singer, appearing in national television commercials before joining the cast of the Disney Channel series Kids Incorporated (1989–1991) as well as performing as a backup singer. She received her breakthrough role as Sarah Reeves Merrin on the Fox teen drama Party of Five (1995–1999), and rose to fame as a teen star for her role as Julie James in the horror film I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997) and its 1998 sequel, and as Amanda Beckett in the teen comedy film Can't Hardly Wait (1998).
Hewitt starred alongside Sigourney Weaver in the romantic comedy film Heartbreakers (2001) and alongside Jackie Chan in the action comedy film The Tuxedo (2002). From 2005 to 2010, Hewitt starred as Melinda Gordon on the CBS supernatural drama Ghost Whisperer, for which she received two Saturn Awards in 2007 and 2008. She later starred on the Lifetime drama series The Client List from 2012 to 2013, and was previously nominated for a Golden Globe Award for the pilot film. From 2014 to 2015, she starred as Special Agent Kate Callahan on the CBS crime drama Criminal Minds. Since 2018, Hewitt has starred as Maddie Buckley on the Fox police procedural 9-1-1.
In music, Hewitt recorded her debut studio album at the age of 12, Love Songs (1992), which was released exclusively in Japan. Thereafter, she signed with Atlantic Records for her second and third studio albums, Let's Go Bang (1995) and Jennifer Love Hewitt (1996), both of which were commercially unsuccessful. Hewitt's fourth and most recent studio album to date, BareNaked (2002), was released by Jive Records and became her first album to chart in the United States, peaking at number 37 on the Billboard 200 chart. Her most successful single on the Billboard Hot 100 chart was the 1999 release 'How Do I Deal', which peaked at number 59.[3] In addition to music and acting, Hewitt has served as a producer on some of her film and television projects. Hewitt was identified as the 'number one reader choice' on the November 1999 and May 2009 covers of Maxim magazine.[4]TV Guide named her the sexiest woman on television in 2008.[5]
- 2Career
- 4Filmography
Early life[edit]
Hewitt was born in Waco, Texas,[6] to Patricia Mae (née Shipp), a speech-language pathologist, and Herbert Daniel Hewitt, a medical technician. Hewitt grew up in Nolanville, in Central Texas,[7] and has close kinship ties in parts of Arkansas.[8] After their parents divorced, Hewitt and her older brother Todd were raised by their mother.[9]
As a young girl, Hewitt was attracted to music, which led to her first encounters with the entertainment industry. At age three, she sang 'The Greatest Love of All' at a livestock show.[10] The following year, at a restaurant-dance hall, she entertained an audience with her version of 'Help Me Make it Through the Night'.[11] By age five, she had tap dancing and ballet in her portfolio.[12] At nine, she became a member of the Texas Show Team, which also toured the Soviet Union.[13]
At age ten, at the suggestion of talent scouts and after winning the title of 'Texas Our Little Miss Talent Winner',[14] she moved to Los Angeles with her mother to pursue a career in both acting and singing.[9] In Los Angeles, she attended Lincoln High School[15] where her classmates included Jonathan Neville, who became a talent scout and recommended Hewitt for her role in Party of Five.[11]
Career[edit]
Acting[edit]
After moving to Los Angeles, Hewitt appeared in more than twenty television commercials, including some for Mattel toys.[16] Her first break came as a child actress on the Disney Channel variety show Kids Incorporated (1989–1991),[17] where she was credited as 'Love Hewitt.' She also appeared in the live action video short Dance! Workout with Barbie (1992), which was released by Buena Vista.[18]
She played Pierce Brosnan's daughter in a pilot for NBC called Running Wilde (1993), which featured Brosnan as a reporter for Auto World magazine, whose stories cover his own wild auto adventures, but the series was not picked up and the pilot never aired.[19] Hewitt later had roles in several short-lived television series, such as Fox's Shaky Ground (1992–1993),[20]ABC's The Byrds of Paradise (1994),[21] and McKenna (1994–95),[22] and finally became a young star after landing the role of Sarah Reeves Merrin on the popular Fox show Party of Five (1995–99).[23] She assumed the role of Sarah after joining that show during its second season and continued it on the short-lived Party of Five spin-off, Time of Your Life (1999), which she also co-produced.[24] The show was cancelled after half a season.[25]
Hewitt's first feature film role was in the independent filmMunchie (1992).[26] A year later, she achieved her first starring film role in Little Miss Millions (1993). She appeared as a choir member in Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit (1993).[27] Hewitt became a film star after a lead role in the horror film I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997),[28] which enjoyed great box office success (US$125,000,000).[29] Hewitt and her co-stars gained popular exposure from the film. She appeared in the sequel I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998), which, though not as successful as the first film, took in more money on its opening weekend.[30] She starred in the high-school comedy Can't Hardly Wait (1998).[31]
Hewitt starred in The Audrey Hepburn Story (2000).[32] That same year, she was the 'most popular actress on television' for her Q-rating (a measurement of a celebrity's popularity) of 37.[33] Noting her 'Q-rating,' Nokia chose her to become its spokesperson.[34]
She starred alongside Sigourney Weaver in the romantic comedy Heartbreakers (2001)[35] and did voiceover work in the animated film The Hunchback of Notre Dame II (2002) as Madellaine, the main protagonist's love interest.[36] Hewitt wrote and performed 'I'm Gonna Love You' for the film; the song won 'Best Original Song' at the DVD Premiere Awards.[37] She starred alongside Jackie Chan in The Tuxedo (2002),[38] which received negative reviews from critics but was a box office success.[39] Hewitt appeared in If Only (2004) and co-wrote and performed 'Love Will Show You Everything' and 'Take My Heart Back' for the film's soundtrack. She starred in Garfield (2004),[40] which became her highest-grossing film to date (US$200,804,534).[41] She reprised her role for the sequel, Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties (2006),[42] which, though it did not perform as well as its predecessor, achieved a strong box office gross.[43]
Hewitt starred in the television series Ghost Whisperer (2005–2010),[44] which ran on CBS for five seasons before being canceled by the network in May 2010.[45] She reunited with her I Know What You Did Last Summer co-star, Freddie Prinze Jr., in Delgo; but when released in 2008, the film was a massive box office bomb,[46] taking in only US$694,782 domestically.[47]
Hewitt's next feature film was the independent drama Café (2010) with her then-boyfriend Jamie Kennedy.[48] She starred in the Lifetime film The Client List (2010),[49] for which she received a Golden Globe nomination.[50] The next year, Hewitt starred in the Hallmark Hall of Fame film The Lost Valentine (2011).[51]
In 2011, Hewitt was announced to direct the film Wait Till Helen Comes (based on the novel by Mary Downing Hahn).[52] She had previously directed three episodes of Ghost Whisperer, and this would be her feature film directorial debut.[53] Production on the film was slated to begin in the summer of 2011, but no further announcements about the film have been made as of January 2015. She also starred alongside Ivan Sergei and Joel David Moore in the independentcomedyJewtopia (2012).[54]
Hewitt was a guest star on TV Land's Hot in Cleveland in 2011 and 2012.[55] She starred in the television series The Client List (2012–13) until its cancellation in late 2013.[56]
In July 2014, CBS announced that Hewitt had joined the cast of Criminal Minds as Agent Kate Callahan in the series' 10th season.[57] However, Hewitt became pregnant with her second child during the production of season 10 of Criminal Minds, and left the cast of the show at the end of the season, with the possibility of further appearances left open.[58]
Music[edit]
Hewitt was one of the back-up singers in Martika's number-one single, 'Toy Soldiers' (1989). At age 12, Meldac funded the recording of Hewitt's debut studio album, Love Songs (1992).[59] The album was released exclusively in Japan, where Hewitt became a pop star.[60] Her explanation for her success in Japan is that the Japanese 'love perky music. The poppier the music, the better.'[61]
After she joined the cast of Party of Five, she signed to Atlantic Records, who rushed her second studio album, Let's Go Bang (1995), out in October.[59] The album and its three singles failed to chart.[59] Juggling her music career with her acting career, she recorded and released her self-titled follow-up album, Jennifer Love Hewitt (1996).[62] The album, along with its four singles, failed to chart and Atlantic dropped Hewitt, who did not return to the music scene for three years.[59]
She recorded the single 'How Do I Deal' (1999) for the I Still Know What You Did Last Summer soundtrack. The song became Hewitt's first charting single, climbing to No. 59 on the Hot 100 and No. 36 on the Top 40 Mainstream.[63] It reached No. 8 in Australia.[64] Hewitt also recorded a cover of the Gloria Gaynor song 'I Will Survive', which features briefly in the film.[65]
She appeared in the LFO video for 'Girl on TV' (1999),[66] a song which band member Rich Cronin band wrote for her while the two were dating.[67] She also appeared in the music video for the Enrique Iglesias song, 'Hero' (2001), as the singer's love interest.[68]
In 2002, Hewitt signed to Jive Records[69] and recorded her fourth studio album with singer, songwriter, and producer Meredith Brooks.[70] The first single, 'BareNaked' (2002), became her biggest radio hit to date when it peaked at No. 24 on the Bubbling Under Hot 100 chart, No. 31 on the Adult Top 40 and No. 25 on the Top 40 Mainstream. It climbed to No. 6 in Australia, remaining there for two weeks,[71] and reached No. 33 in the Netherlands.[72] The song later featured in two episodes of Ghost Whisperer: 'The Vanishing' (Season 1, episode 20)[73] and 'The Collector' (Season 2, episode 20).[74] The moderate success of the single propelled the album to peak at No. 37 on the Billboard 200[75] and No. 31 in Australia.[76] However, it only remained on the chart for three weeks. The second single, 'Can I Go Now' (2003), failed to chart in the US, while managing to peak at No. 8 in the Netherlands[77] and No. 12 in Australia.[78]
Since 2004, Hewitt has remained inactive in the music industry, but she released the compilation albums Cool with You: The Platinum Collection (2006) in Asia[79] and Hey Everybody (2007) in Brazil.[80] In 2009, reports surfaced that Hewitt was planning on making a country album and was in the process of writing material for it.[81]Jamie Kennedy, Hewitt's boyfriend at the time, said: 'I really want to make her a new demo for her music, because I think she should do singing again. She's so good.'[60] However, nothing has of yet come of the reports. Hewitt has remained mostly absent from the music industry, but in 2013, she recorded a cover of 'I'm a Woman' to promote the second season of The Client List and shot a music video for the song, which reached the top ten in the iTunes Music Video chart.[82]
Writing[edit]
In November 2009, Hewitt made a foray into comic books. Writer Scott Lobdell scripted the five-issue anthology, Jennifer Love Hewitt's Music Box (2009–2010), based on Hewitt's ideas.[83] The series was published by IDW Publishing, and was collected in a trade paperback.[84]
She wrote a book titled The Day I Shot Cupid (2010), in which she speaks of her experiences with love and dating.[85] During a January 2010 interview on Lopez Tonight, Hewitt said that there was a chapter in the book about 'vajazzling' her 'vajayjay' (decorating her vulva with Swarovski crystals);[86][87] Hewitt is said to have contributed to the popularization of this trend.[88] The book became a New York Times Bestseller the week of its release.[89] She announced via her Twitter page in June 2011 that she was penning a follow-up.[90]
Personal life[edit]
In 2002, a conspiracy theorist and former social worker named Diana Napolis was arrested for stalking and uttering death threats against Hewitt and Steven Spielberg after 'verbally confronting' the actress at the 2002 Grammy Awards and attempting to pose as one of Hewitt's friends to enter the premiere of The Tuxedo.[91] Napolis admitted to being involved in a shoving match with Hewitt's mother while confronting the actress.[92] Napolis accused Hewitt, along with director Spielberg, of controlling her thoughts through 'cybertronic' technology and being part of a Satanic conspiracy against her.[93] Napolis was charged with six felonies related to the incidents.[94][95] After a year of involuntary commitment, Napolis pleaded guilty and was released on bail with a condition that she was barred from any contact with both Spielberg and Hewitt.[96]
In late 2005, Hewitt began dating Scottish actor Ross McCall after he made an appearance on her show Ghost Whisperer.[97] They became engaged in November 2007, while vacationing in Hawaii.[98]People magazine reported that Hewitt called off their engagement in late 2008.[99]
In March 2012, Hewitt began dating her The Client List co-star Brian Hallisay.[100] In June 2013, Hewitt announced that she and Hallisay were engaged[101] and expecting their first child.[100] A November 26, 2013 Us Weekly article reported that they had recently married, and their daughter was born that month.[102][103]In January 2015, the couple announced they were expecting their second child.[104][105] In June 2015, Hewitt gave birth to a boy.[106][107]
Filmography[edit]
Film[edit]
Year | Title | Role | Notes |
---|---|---|---|
1992 | Munchie | Andrea Kurtz | Credited as Love Hewitt |
1993 | Little Miss Millions | Heather Lofton | a.k.a. Home for Christmas (as Love Hewitt) |
Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit | Margaret | Credited as Jennifer 'Love' Hewitt | |
1996 | House Arrest | Brooke Figler | |
1997 | Trojan War | Leah Jones | a.k.a. Rescue Me |
I Know What You Did Last Summer | Julie James | ||
1998 | Can't Hardly Wait | Amanda Beckett | |
Telling You | Deb Freidman | a.k.a. Love Sucks | |
Zoomates | Helen | Voice role; short | |
I Still Know What You Did Last Summer | Julie James | ||
1999 | The Suburbans | Cate | |
2001 | Heartbreakers | Page Conners | |
2002 | The Hunchback of Notre Dame II | Madellaine | Voice role |
The Adventures of Tom Thumb and Thumbelina | Thumbelina | Voice role | |
The Tuxedo | Del Blaine | ||
Groove Squad | Chrissy | Voice role | |
2003 | Shortcut to Happiness | The Devil | a.k.a. The Devil and Daniel Webster |
2004 | If Only | Samantha Andrews | |
Garfield: The Movie | Liz Wilson | ||
2005 | The Truth About Love | Alice Holbrook | |
2006 | Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties | Liz Wilson | |
2008 | Tropic Thunder | Herself | |
Delgo | Princess Kyla | Voice role | |
2010 | Café | Claire | |
2012 | Jewtopia | Alison Marks |
Television[edit]
Year | Title | Role | Notes |
---|---|---|---|
1989–1991 | Kids Incorporated | Robin | Main role (seasons 6–7) |
1992 | Dance! Workout with Barbie | Workout Dancer | |
Shaky Ground | Bernadette Moody | Main role | |
1994 | The Byrds of Paradise | Franny Byrd | Main role |
McKenna | Cassidy McKenna | Recurring role; 3 episodes | |
1995–1999 | Party of Five | Sarah Reeves Merrin | Main role (seasons 2–6) |
1998 | Boy Meets World | Jennifer Love Fefferman | Episode: 'And Then There Was Shawn' |
Saturday Night Live | Guest host | Episode: 'Jennifer Love Hewitt/Beastie Boys' | |
1999 | Hercules: The Animated Series | Medusa | Episode: 'Hercules and the Gorgon'; voice |
Time of Your Life | Sarah Reeves Merrin | Main role | |
2000 | The Audrey Hepburn Story | Audrey Hepburn | Television film |
2001 | The Weekenders | Herself | Episode: 'My Punky Valentine'; voice |
2002 | All That | Herself | Episode: 'Jeffrey Licon/Jennifer Love Hewitt' |
Family Guy | Herself | Episode: 'Stuck Together, Torn Apart'; voice role | |
2004 | American Dreams | Nancy Sinatra | Episodes: 'The 7-10 Split' & 'Old Enough to Fight' |
In the Game | Riley Reed | Unsold pilot | |
A Christmas Carol | Emily | Television film | |
2005 | Confessions of a Sociopathic Social Climber | Katya Livingston | Television film |
2005–2010 | Ghost Whisperer | Melinda Gordon | Main role |
2009 | Yes, Virginia | Mrs. Laura O'Hanlon | Television film; voice role |
2010 | The Client List | Samantha 'Sam' Horton | Television film |
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit | Vicki Sayers | Episode: 'Behave' | |
2011 | The Lost Valentine | Susan Allison | Television film |
Love Bites | Herself | Episode: 'Firsts' | |
Hot in Cleveland | Emmy Chase | Episodes: 'The Emmy Show', 'Love Is Blind', and 'Elka Takes a Lover' | |
Vietnam in HD[108] | Anne Purcell (voice) | Miniseries | |
2012 | RuPaul's Drag Race | Guest judge | Episode: 'DILFs: Dads I'd Like to Frock' |
2012–13 | The Client List | Riley Parks | Main role |
2014–15 | Criminal Minds | Kate Callahan | Main role (season 10) |
2018–present | 9-1-1 | Maddie Buckley Kendall | Main role (season 2) |
Director[edit]
Year | Title | Notes |
---|---|---|
2009–2010 | Ghost Whisperer | 3 episodes |
2012–2013 | The Client List | 3 episodes |
Producer[edit]
Year | Title | Notes |
---|---|---|
1999–2000 | Time of Your Life | |
2000 | The Audrey Hepburn Story | Co-executive producer; television film |
Bunny | ||
2002 | One Night | |
2004 | If Only | |
2005–2010 | Ghost Whisperer | Producer; later executive producer |
2010 | The Client List | Executive producer; television film |
2011 | The Lost Valentine | Executive producer |
2012–2013 | The Client List | Executive producer |
![And And](/uploads/1/2/4/7/124735712/952831422.jpg)
Discography[edit]
- Studio albums
- Love Songs (1992)
- Let's Go Bang (1995)
- Jennifer Love Hewitt (1996)
- BareNaked (2002)
Bibliography[edit]
Credits as an author:
- The Day I Shot Cupid (2010)
Other credits:
- Jennifer Love Hewitt's Music Box (2009–10) (creator)
Awards and nominations[edit]
Year | Award | Category | Work | Result | Refs. |
---|---|---|---|---|---|
1990 | Young Artist Awards | Outstanding Young Ensemble Cast | Kids Incorporated | Nominated | |
1993 | Young Artist Awards | Outstanding Young Ensemble Cast in a Youth Series or Variety Show | Kids Incorporated | Nominated | |
1994 | Young Artist Awards | Outstanding Youth Ensemble in a Cable or Off-Primetime Series | Kids Incorporated | Won | |
1996 | Young Artist Awards | Best Professional Actress/Singer | Herself | Nominated | [109] |
1998 | Young Artist Awards | Best Performance in a Feature Film — Leading Young Actress | I Know What You Did Last Summer | Nominated | |
Blockbuster Entertainment Awards | Favorite Female Newcomer | I Know What You Did Last Summer | Won | [110] | |
1999 | MTV Movie Award | Best Female Performance | Can't Hardly Wait | Nominated | |
1999 | Blockbuster Entertainment Awards | Favorite Actress — Horror | I Still Know What You Did Last Summer | Won | [110] |
Teen Choice Awards | Choice Movie Actress | I Still Know What You Did Last Summer | Won | [110] | |
Young Artist Awards | Best Performance in a Feature Film — Leading Young Actress | Can't Hardly Wait | Nominated | [111] | |
2000 | Kid's Choice Awards | Favorite Television Actress | Party of Five | Nominated | |
People's Choice Awards | Favorite Female Performer in a New Television Series | Time of Your Life | Won | [110] | |
2003 | Kids' Choice Awards | Favorite Female Butt Kicker | The Tuxedo | Won | [110] |
DVD Premiere Awards | Best Original Song | The Hunchback of Notre Dame II | Won | [110] | |
2006 | Saturn Awards | Best Actress on Television | Ghost Whisperer | Nominated | |
Kids' Choice Awards | Favorite Television Actress | Ghost Whisperer | Nominated | ||
People's Choice Awards | Favorite Female Television Star | Ghost Whisperer | Nominated | ||
2007 | Saturn Awards | Best Actress on Television | Ghost Whisperer | Won | [110][112] |
Teen Choice Awards | Choice TV Actress: Drama | Ghost Whisperer | Nominated | ||
People's Choice Awards | Favorite Female Television Star | Ghost Whisperer | Nominated | ||
2008 | People's Choice Awards | Favorite Female Television Star | Ghost Whisperer | Nominated | |
Saturn Awards | Best Actress on Television | Ghost Whisperer | Won | [110] | |
TV Land Awards | Favorite Character from the 'Other Side' | Ghost Whisperer | Nominated | ||
2009 | Saturn Awards | Best Actress on Television | Ghost Whisperer | Nominated | |
2010 | Saturn Awards | Best Actress on Television | Ghost Whisperer | Nominated | |
People's Choice Awards | Favorite TV Drama Actress | Ghost Whisperer | Nominated | ||
2011 | Golden Globe Awards | Best Actress in a Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made For Television | The Client List | Nominated | [113] |
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This joke was referenced throughout the night by a few presenters and BEST TV ACTRESS winner Jennifer Love Hewitt (GHOST WHISPERER)...
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External links[edit]
Wikimedia Commons has media related to Jennifer Love Hewitt. |
- Jennifer Love Hewitt on IMDb
- Jennifer Love Hewitt at the TCM Movie Database
- Jennifer Love Hewitt on Twitter
Retrieved from 'https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Jennifer_Love_Hewitt&oldid=900209149'
Mean Girls was released ten years ago today, which is a thing that should make us all feel very, very old. And sure, I could get into my DeLorean GIF and fly back to that week in pop-music history, but I’ve already done hard time in 2004 for an earlier installment of my Somewhere in Time column, and I just don’t have a second thing to say about Usher’s “Yeah!” Instead, let’s head back to July 2, 1986, and check out what Billboard’s Top 40 songs were the week a couple of scrappy young dreamers named Dina and Michael Lohan welcomed a daughter named Lindsay into the world. Hey, anybody know what happened to those three guys?
40. Steve Winwood, “Higher Love”
There are so, so many middle-aged white guys on this chart. That’s who we supported, us record-buying teenagers of the ’80s, because we had no other choice. There was no Radio Disney to market to us in our infancy, no Nickelodeon stars waiting in an incubator to become pop stars, no Kidz Bop to translate American lyrics into child. Nope, we had to buy records made by guys who took statins. My first 45 was Dan Fogelberg’s “Same Old Lang Syne,” a bittersweet story-song about two former lovers who bump into one another in a supermarket frozen foods section and get honest about their lives’ compromises and disappointments over a six-pack, then ruefully say another, more final good-bye as the snow turns into rain. I would sigh to myself knowingly as I listened to it: “Man, isn’t that life?” I was 9. Anyway, flukey and/or youth-skewing hits from Pharrell, Eminem, and Justin Timberlake aside, the oldest person in the most recent Top 40 in 2014 is Hayley Williams of Paramore.
There are so, so many middle-aged white guys on this chart. That’s who we supported, us record-buying teenagers of the ’80s, because we had no other choice. There was no Radio Disney to market to us in our infancy, no Nickelodeon stars waiting in an incubator to become pop stars, no Kidz Bop to translate American lyrics into child. Nope, we had to buy records made by guys who took statins. My first 45 was Dan Fogelberg’s “Same Old Lang Syne,” a bittersweet story-song about two former lovers who bump into one another in a supermarket frozen foods section and get honest about their lives’ compromises and disappointments over a six-pack, then ruefully say another, more final good-bye as the snow turns into rain. I would sigh to myself knowingly as I listened to it: “Man, isn’t that life?” I was 9. Anyway, flukey and/or youth-skewing hits from Pharrell, Eminem, and Justin Timberlake aside, the oldest person in the most recent Top 40 in 2014 is Hayley Williams of Paramore.
39. Robert Palmer, “Hyperactive”
“No Palmer Girls in the video? No dice.” —the American public, July 1986.
“No Palmer Girls in the video? No dice.” —the American public, July 1986.
38. Andy Taylor, “Take It Easy”
The first solo single from the least popular Taylor in Duran Duran comes from the soundtrack of the timeless Mitch Gaylord–Janet Jones love-among-the-pommel-horses gymnastics flick American Anthem. To call Gaylord’s acting in this video wooden is a bigger insult to wood than the trim on the side of your mom’s station wagon. Fun fact for all the kids with the mohawks down on St. Mark’s Place: This track was co-written by Steve Jones of the Sex Pistols. Like characters in a Dan Fogelberg song, we do what we must to get by.
The first solo single from the least popular Taylor in Duran Duran comes from the soundtrack of the timeless Mitch Gaylord–Janet Jones love-among-the-pommel-horses gymnastics flick American Anthem. To call Gaylord’s acting in this video wooden is a bigger insult to wood than the trim on the side of your mom’s station wagon. Fun fact for all the kids with the mohawks down on St. Mark’s Place: This track was co-written by Steve Jones of the Sex Pistols. Like characters in a Dan Fogelberg song, we do what we must to get by.
37. Whitney Houston, “Greatest Love of All”
Not bad, Whitney, but everyone knows Dina Martina did the best version of this song.
Not bad, Whitney, but everyone knows Dina Martina did the best version of this song.
36. Jeffrey Osborne, “You Should Be Mine”
This one is subtitled “The Woo Woo Song,” predating Pat Benatar’s “Ooh Ooh Song” by less than a year, Cher’s cover of “The Shoop Shoop Song” by six years, and the simultaneous chart run of Tag Team’s “Whoop! There It Is” and 95 South’s “Whoot! There It Is” by seven years. And thus ends today’s lesson on onomatopoeia-core.
This one is subtitled “The Woo Woo Song,” predating Pat Benatar’s “Ooh Ooh Song” by less than a year, Cher’s cover of “The Shoop Shoop Song” by six years, and the simultaneous chart run of Tag Team’s “Whoop! There It Is” and 95 South’s “Whoot! There It Is” by seven years. And thus ends today’s lesson on onomatopoeia-core.
35. Madonna, “Papa Don’t Preach”
Aside from being the most famous person on the planet, Madonna could not catch a break circa 1986. She was coming off the Penthouse spread and the media frenzy surrounding her “Fuck Off” wedding to Sean Penn, and getting critically drubbed in the play Goose and Tomtom and the movie Shanghai Surprise — yet no kerfuffle was more dispiriting than the one over this song. The young protagonist of “Papa Don’t Preach” plans to keep her baby, which you would think would endear her to her more conservative detractors, but nope: Religious groups lined up to accuse her of promoting teenage promiscuity. The official word on abortion seemed to be: literally damned if you do, mocked and shamed if you don’t.
Aside from being the most famous person on the planet, Madonna could not catch a break circa 1986. She was coming off the Penthouse spread and the media frenzy surrounding her “Fuck Off” wedding to Sean Penn, and getting critically drubbed in the play Goose and Tomtom and the movie Shanghai Surprise — yet no kerfuffle was more dispiriting than the one over this song. The young protagonist of “Papa Don’t Preach” plans to keep her baby, which you would think would endear her to her more conservative detractors, but nope: Religious groups lined up to accuse her of promoting teenage promiscuity. The official word on abortion seemed to be: literally damned if you do, mocked and shamed if you don’t.
34. Level 42, “Something About You”
We talk a lot about the Song of Summer here at Vulture, but what we often fail to discuss is the Song That Brings on Summer. That joyous pop song that is carried in on the first warm breeze of April and whets your appetite for pool parties and humid afternoons. The ’80s had the best of these; I speak of Scritti Politti’s “Perfect Way,” Jane Wiedlin’s “Rush Hour,” and Hipsway’s “The Honeythief” to name but three. They may peak before the height of convertible season, but they get you there, and that’s just as important. And this Level 42 track is without question the Song That Brought on the Summer of 1986.
We talk a lot about the Song of Summer here at Vulture, but what we often fail to discuss is the Song That Brings on Summer. That joyous pop song that is carried in on the first warm breeze of April and whets your appetite for pool parties and humid afternoons. The ’80s had the best of these; I speak of Scritti Politti’s “Perfect Way,” Jane Wiedlin’s “Rush Hour,” and Hipsway’s “The Honeythief” to name but three. They may peak before the height of convertible season, but they get you there, and that’s just as important. And this Level 42 track is without question the Song That Brought on the Summer of 1986.
33. The Rolling Stones, “One Hit (to the Body)”
At around this time, the conventional wisdom was that the Rolling Stones should pack it up and retire. That was nearly 28 years ago. And look: You could listen to this perfectly average song, or you could click right here and watch the absolutely ridiculous video for Mick Jagger’s 1987 solo single “Let’s Work,” and watch a man lose 95 percent of his mojo (although a Mick Jagger at 5 percent mojo is still formidable).
At around this time, the conventional wisdom was that the Rolling Stones should pack it up and retire. That was nearly 28 years ago. And look: You could listen to this perfectly average song, or you could click right here and watch the absolutely ridiculous video for Mick Jagger’s 1987 solo single “Let’s Work,” and watch a man lose 95 percent of his mojo (although a Mick Jagger at 5 percent mojo is still formidable).
32. The Bangles, “If She Knew What She Wants”
It is one of the true tragedies of pop music history that the Bangles are best known for “Walk Like an Egyptian.” (It’s an injustice up there with Fountains of Wayne being considered one-hit wonders for “Stacy’s Mom.”) If you or someone you know is a person who knows the Bangles best for “Walk Like an Egyptian,” please download their album All Over the Place at your earliest convenience. You can thank me later.
It is one of the true tragedies of pop music history that the Bangles are best known for “Walk Like an Egyptian.” (It’s an injustice up there with Fountains of Wayne being considered one-hit wonders for “Stacy’s Mom.”) If you or someone you know is a person who knows the Bangles best for “Walk Like an Egyptian,” please download their album All Over the Place at your earliest convenience. You can thank me later.
31. The Fixx, “Secret Separation”
Very serious videos, inscrutable lyrics, heavy eyebrows: The Fixx, I declare you the Live of the ’80s.
Very serious videos, inscrutable lyrics, heavy eyebrows: The Fixx, I declare you the Live of the ’80s.
30. Falco, “Vienna Calling”
Is there anything better than a second single from a one-hit wonder? They’re often more interesting songs, and they never stick around long enough for you to get sick of them. Keep “(I Just) Died In Your Arms,” give me “One for the Mockingbird.” I will take “In a Big Country,” but you must include “Fields of Fire.” After unleashing the ludicrous novelty song “Rock Me Amadeus” — a song whose radio edit contained a spoken-word timeline of Mozart’s life, making it the first No. 1 single to trot out classical-music factoids like “1784: Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart becomes a Freemason” without any blowback — releasing a second U.S. single is the very definition of false hope. In this way, “Vienna Calling” may be the most inspiring song of the decade. (It’s also miles better than “Rock Me Amadeus,” though so are long stretches of the Donald Sterling tape.) (And yes, I am aware that he is responsible for the original version of the the worldwide hit “Der Kommissar,” but as far as I’m concerned, this just makes him a one-hit wonder twice.) (I am also aware that I am speaking ill of the dead.) (Look, can we just move on?)
Is there anything better than a second single from a one-hit wonder? They’re often more interesting songs, and they never stick around long enough for you to get sick of them. Keep “(I Just) Died In Your Arms,” give me “One for the Mockingbird.” I will take “In a Big Country,” but you must include “Fields of Fire.” After unleashing the ludicrous novelty song “Rock Me Amadeus” — a song whose radio edit contained a spoken-word timeline of Mozart’s life, making it the first No. 1 single to trot out classical-music factoids like “1784: Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart becomes a Freemason” without any blowback — releasing a second U.S. single is the very definition of false hope. In this way, “Vienna Calling” may be the most inspiring song of the decade. (It’s also miles better than “Rock Me Amadeus,” though so are long stretches of the Donald Sterling tape.) (And yes, I am aware that he is responsible for the original version of the the worldwide hit “Der Kommissar,” but as far as I’m concerned, this just makes him a one-hit wonder twice.) (I am also aware that I am speaking ill of the dead.) (Look, can we just move on?)
29. Jermaine Stewart, “We Don’t Have to Take Our Clothes Off”
I was 15 the summer of 1986, still being chauffeured around town by my mother, and when this song (or “Papa Don’t Preach,” for that matter) would come on the radio, my mother would groan her disapproval. “But isn’t this good?” I remember asking, “Isn’t he saying to do the responsible thing?” Before the question was even out of my mouth, she replied “I JUST WISH WE NEVER HAD TO TALK ABOUT SEX AT ALL EVER,” thereby clarifying the official Catholic position on human sexuality better than all the modern popes combined. (Also, please take note of the backup-singer choreography in this video, which I can say without reservation is the best thing ever. Better than penicillin. Go look.)
I was 15 the summer of 1986, still being chauffeured around town by my mother, and when this song (or “Papa Don’t Preach,” for that matter) would come on the radio, my mother would groan her disapproval. “But isn’t this good?” I remember asking, “Isn’t he saying to do the responsible thing?” Before the question was even out of my mouth, she replied “I JUST WISH WE NEVER HAD TO TALK ABOUT SEX AT ALL EVER,” thereby clarifying the official Catholic position on human sexuality better than all the modern popes combined. (Also, please take note of the backup-singer choreography in this video, which I can say without reservation is the best thing ever. Better than penicillin. Go look.)
28. Heart, “Nothin’ at All”
There is very little to discuss in this song, but I think you will agree that its record sleeve is the ’80s-est thing ever. It’s like Max Headroom had sex with Alexis from Dynasty and this is what they wiped themselves off with.
There is very little to discuss in this song, but I think you will agree that its record sleeve is the ’80s-est thing ever. It’s like Max Headroom had sex with Alexis from Dynasty and this is what they wiped themselves off with.
27. The Blow Monkeys, “Digging Your Scene”
Ah, the Blow Monkeys! One of the great also-rans of mid-’80s pop, with their one U.S. hit. (And here again, give me “Forbidden Fruit.”) There are a lot of other attendance-award winners joining them elsewhere in this week’s Hot 100, too:
Ah, the Blow Monkeys! One of the great also-rans of mid-’80s pop, with their one U.S. hit. (And here again, give me “Forbidden Fruit.”) There are a lot of other attendance-award winners joining them elsewhere in this week’s Hot 100, too:
- #44: Gavin Christopher with “One Step Closer to You,” serving up the best synth tone of the decade.
- #48: Not-quite-INXS Australian band the Models’ “Out of Mind Out of Sight.”
- #59: Madonna manqué and hair-scrunchie enthusiast Regina’s “Baby Love.”
- #66: Synth band-or-person Trans-X, aiming for that “Rock Me Amadeus”/“Tarzan Boy”/“One Night in Bangkok” weirdo spot with “Living on Video”
- #87: The one and only single by Star Search winners Limited Warranty, with “Victory Line.”
There was false hope to go around in Reagan’s America, is what I’m saying.
26. Nu Shooz, “I Can’t Wait”
The summer of 1986 was a pivotal one in my development. It was the last one before my folks started making me get summer jobs, I read Less Than Zero, Bright Lights Big City, and Slaves of New York all in a row, and Top Gun was released, making me want to join and also fuck the United States Navy. Most thrillingly, the drivers’ licenses my friends were starting to get were leveling the playing field. No more would athletic ability dictate social standing; suddenly a half-decent sense of humor and a friend with a car was all you needed to get invited to a party.
The summer of 1986 was a pivotal one in my development. It was the last one before my folks started making me get summer jobs, I read Less Than Zero, Bright Lights Big City, and Slaves of New York all in a row, and Top Gun was released, making me want to join and also fuck the United States Navy. Most thrillingly, the drivers’ licenses my friends were starting to get were leveling the playing field. No more would athletic ability dictate social standing; suddenly a half-decent sense of humor and a friend with a car was all you needed to get invited to a party.
Adulthood was coming, and I could not wait.
25. Billy Joel, “Modern Woman”
There was a brief moment in the mid-’80s when Billy Joel and Bruce Willis became the same person. “Modern Woman” — right down to “the casual hip that don’t mean zip” — would have been right at home on The Return of Bruno, and later this very year, Moonlighting featured a fantasy dance sequence set to “Big Man on Mulberry Street.” 1986 was a big year for guys in moderately priced suits who used a lot of ’50s slang, and Joel and Willis were our Übermenschen.
There was a brief moment in the mid-’80s when Billy Joel and Bruce Willis became the same person. “Modern Woman” — right down to “the casual hip that don’t mean zip” — would have been right at home on The Return of Bruno, and later this very year, Moonlighting featured a fantasy dance sequence set to “Big Man on Mulberry Street.” 1986 was a big year for guys in moderately priced suits who used a lot of ’50s slang, and Joel and Willis were our Übermenschen.
Oh, also, there’s a Billy Joel station on Sirius/XM for the next few weeks, and when I heard about it, I flipped right over just in time to hear the “Edsel is a no-go” lyric from “We Didn’t Start the Fire.” I said — out loud — “Billy, I’m going to have to get back to you.”
24. Van Halen, “Dreams”
Was this song written specifically to run under people’s skydiving videos? This is the song that runs under my skydiving video.
Was this song written specifically to run under people’s skydiving videos? This is the song that runs under my skydiving video.
23. Prince, “Mountains”
We remember Appolonia as a Prince ingenue. We remember Vanity and Jill Jones and Sheena Easton and Carmen Electra. We tend to forget Kristin Scott Thomas.
We remember Appolonia as a Prince ingenue. We remember Vanity and Jill Jones and Sheena Easton and Carmen Electra. We tend to forget Kristin Scott Thomas.
22. Belinda Carlisle, “Mad About You”
Say what you will, but for me, “Mad About You” is the Song of Summer, 1986.
Say what you will, but for me, “Mad About You” is the Song of Summer, 1986.
21. Rod Stewart, “Love Touch”
Here’s how little teen-centric entertainment there was in 1986: My friends and I went to see Legal Eagles, the Robert Redford–Debra Winger courtroom rom-com in the theater, just because it had “Love Touch” on the soundtrack. I don’t even think any of us liked the song, it was just there and so we went. We were in that awkward age: too old for the kids’ stuff, not yet able to legally purchase a ticket to an R-rated film. The best bet was usually to buy a ticket to whatever PG-13 film the theater was also showing, and then sneak one by one into the theater showing the hard stuff, where we’d only be caught about 70 percent of the time. The year before, a bunch of us snuck successfully into The Breakfast Club by buying tickets to Places in the Heart. You know how groups of 14-year-old boys enjoy a good Depression-era Sally Field–Danny Glover farm drama.
Here’s how little teen-centric entertainment there was in 1986: My friends and I went to see Legal Eagles, the Robert Redford–Debra Winger courtroom rom-com in the theater, just because it had “Love Touch” on the soundtrack. I don’t even think any of us liked the song, it was just there and so we went. We were in that awkward age: too old for the kids’ stuff, not yet able to legally purchase a ticket to an R-rated film. The best bet was usually to buy a ticket to whatever PG-13 film the theater was also showing, and then sneak one by one into the theater showing the hard stuff, where we’d only be caught about 70 percent of the time. The year before, a bunch of us snuck successfully into The Breakfast Club by buying tickets to Places in the Heart. You know how groups of 14-year-old boys enjoy a good Depression-era Sally Field–Danny Glover farm drama.
20. Madonna, “Live to Tell”
I saw Madonna live for the first and only time a few years back, and she sang this song up on a giant cross, just in case you’re wondering whether Mo’s relationship with the Catholic church has gotten any warmer.
I saw Madonna live for the first and only time a few years back, and she sang this song up on a giant cross, just in case you’re wondering whether Mo’s relationship with the Catholic church has gotten any warmer.
19. Peter Cetera, “Glory of Love”
My high school was a lot like the one in Dead Poets’ Society, but only the part before Robin Williams gets there. We were taught by a strict group of Benedictine monks, most of whom were British and all of whom were empowered to smack us right in the head, hands, or backside if we were sassy, which we mostly were. We wore ties every day, we always had to be on a sports team, our school day went from 8:09 to 4:42. It was like the military, but the drill sergeants wore robes.
My high school was a lot like the one in Dead Poets’ Society, but only the part before Robin Williams gets there. We were taught by a strict group of Benedictine monks, most of whom were British and all of whom were empowered to smack us right in the head, hands, or backside if we were sassy, which we mostly were. We wore ties every day, we always had to be on a sports team, our school day went from 8:09 to 4:42. It was like the military, but the drill sergeants wore robes.
Far more rigid than the monks were the boys. Mean girls are legendary in our culture, but put a bunch of teenage males under one roof and see what happens. It was a conformity factory, because the price of nonconformity was attention, and the attention of a building full of pubescent boys in ties is not the kind of thing you want. I kept my head down.
But that summer, I enrolled in the creative-writing program of a summer school for artsy kids, and the tie came off. The weird were in charge here. We’d walk to the art museum, find a portrait we liked, and then sit in front of it and write the person’s life story. We’d talk about the movies we saw and what we’d do differently. We’d leaf through issues of Tatler with the kids from the dance program over lunch. I spent the whole six weeks of this program with a smile so wide even the drama kids were like: dial it back.
18. PSB, “Opportunities”
Polish superdirector Zbigniew Rybczynski emigrated to the United States in the mid-’80s with a green screen and a dream, and went on to make the same video a million times in a row, including:
Polish superdirector Zbigniew Rybczynski emigrated to the United States in the mid-’80s with a green screen and a dream, and went on to make the same video a million times in a row, including:
- This one
- Missing Persons’ “I Can’t Think About Dancin’”
- Simple Minds’ “All the Things She Said”
- Cameo’s “Candy”
- Rush’s “Time Stand Still”
- Mr. Mister’s “Something Real”
- and that ridiculous Mick Jagger video from above.
Compare, but don’t contrast, because you can’t.
17. Boys Don’t Cry, “I Wanna Be a Cowboy”
This song is a war crime. If you told me it was cooked up in an hour by a small-market Morning Zoo team, I would have no choice but to believe you. There is simply no excuse for this song, and I know that it’s irrational to blame it for the success of the Escape Club’s “Wild Wild West,” but I do, and I am not inclined to forgive. I just watched this video for the first time, and making a cameo as our hero’s rival cowboy is Lemmy. Lemmy. From Motorhead. In the $13.50 mall-kiosk-ass video for the worst Top 40 song of the 1980s. Middle-aged rock legends making compromises: hot hot hot in 1986.
This song is a war crime. If you told me it was cooked up in an hour by a small-market Morning Zoo team, I would have no choice but to believe you. There is simply no excuse for this song, and I know that it’s irrational to blame it for the success of the Escape Club’s “Wild Wild West,” but I do, and I am not inclined to forgive. I just watched this video for the first time, and making a cameo as our hero’s rival cowboy is Lemmy. Lemmy. From Motorhead. In the $13.50 mall-kiosk-ass video for the worst Top 40 song of the 1980s. Middle-aged rock legends making compromises: hot hot hot in 1986.
16. George Michael, “A Different Corner”
George Michael could not have started his solo career more tentatively. In much of the world, “Careless Whisper” was credited to “Wham! Featuring George Michael,” and then right into the middle of what was to be Wham!’s final album, ol’ George snuck in his first official solo single. It was like watching a torturously slow breakup between a person who is ready to move on and a person who is absolutely not going to be okay.
George Michael could not have started his solo career more tentatively. In much of the world, “Careless Whisper” was credited to “Wham! Featuring George Michael,” and then right into the middle of what was to be Wham!’s final album, ol’ George snuck in his first official solo single. It was like watching a torturously slow breakup between a person who is ready to move on and a person who is absolutely not going to be okay.
15. GTR, “When the Heart Rules the Mind”
What this prog-rock supergroup lacked in longevity, they more than made up for in man-brooches.
What this prog-rock supergroup lacked in longevity, they more than made up for in man-brooches.
14. 38 Special, “Like No Other Night”
38 Special are the pleated khaki Dockers of song.
38 Special are the pleated khaki Dockers of song.
13. Bob Seger, “Like a Rock”
I plumb forgot that this song ever existed independently of the Ford F-150.
I plumb forgot that this song ever existed independently of the Ford F-150.
12. Moody Blues, “Your Wildest Dreams”
Fun fact: Jason Sudeikis and Will Forte, as Bon Jovi opposite band Jon Bovi, somehow play all of the 1986 Moody Blues in this video.
Fun fact: Jason Sudeikis and Will Forte, as Bon Jovi opposite band Jon Bovi, somehow play all of the 1986 Moody Blues in this video.
11. The Fabulous Thunderbirds, “Tuff Enuff”
We were a diverse bunch in the summer creative writing program, but the alpha of the group was a wildly effeminate kid named Frederick, with the factory-issue artsy-kid swoop-of-hair-down-one-side-of-the-face Mick Hucknall haircut for which we dubbed him Simply Fred. Simply Fred wore black turtlenecks almost exclusively, despite the punishing St. Louis heat. He gesticulated wildly with his hands, which he tucked into his sleeves, giving him the effect of an inflatable dancing man outside of a goth used car dealership. I closely monitored my every word, my every gesture, my every letter S, but Simply Fred let it all hang out. He was proud of himself. He was too gay to function, and yet he functioned. As a teenage boy. In 1986. To this day, I fear and envy Simply Fred.
We were a diverse bunch in the summer creative writing program, but the alpha of the group was a wildly effeminate kid named Frederick, with the factory-issue artsy-kid swoop-of-hair-down-one-side-of-the-face Mick Hucknall haircut for which we dubbed him Simply Fred. Simply Fred wore black turtlenecks almost exclusively, despite the punishing St. Louis heat. He gesticulated wildly with his hands, which he tucked into his sleeves, giving him the effect of an inflatable dancing man outside of a goth used car dealership. I closely monitored my every word, my every gesture, my every letter S, but Simply Fred let it all hang out. He was proud of himself. He was too gay to function, and yet he functioned. As a teenage boy. In 1986. To this day, I fear and envy Simply Fred.
10. Kenny Loggins, “Danger Zone”
“Revvin’ up your engine/Listen to her howlin’ roar/Metal under tension/Beggin’ you to touch and go.” Jesus Christ. It’s like Sarah Palin’s speechwriter got drunk and made a submission to Motor Trend’s poetry section.
“Revvin’ up your engine/Listen to her howlin’ roar/Metal under tension/Beggin’ you to touch and go.” Jesus Christ. It’s like Sarah Palin’s speechwriter got drunk and made a submission to Motor Trend’s poetry section.
9. Peter Gabriel, “Sledgehammer”
Gabriel’s So was by far the best of the 1986 old man albums, but my attention was elsewhere that year, specifically on the Replacements’ Tim, XTC’s Skylarking, and the first Crowded House album. There was not yet a word for the music I was falling in love with, which made it feel even more like it had been made just for me.
Gabriel’s So was by far the best of the 1986 old man albums, but my attention was elsewhere that year, specifically on the Replacements’ Tim, XTC’s Skylarking, and the first Crowded House album. There was not yet a word for the music I was falling in love with, which made it feel even more like it had been made just for me.
8. Patti LaBelle and Michael McDonald, “On My Own”
Two middle-aged pop stars singing about divorce, and we ate it the hell up. In the summer of 1986, the teenaged record-buying American public spoke with one voice, and it was the voice of a 38-year-old dental hygienist named Pam.
Two middle-aged pop stars singing about divorce, and we ate it the hell up. In the summer of 1986, the teenaged record-buying American public spoke with one voice, and it was the voice of a 38-year-old dental hygienist named Pam.
7. The Jets, “Crush On You”
A wholesome Polynesian family band who dressed like the bag of M&Ms that comes out around Easter, and you couldn’t have named a single one of them even at the peak of their popularity. They were their own Kidz Bop. This is what our culture is missing right now. This is the void they should have pushed Malaya Watson into on American Idol. I am officially pining for the Jets.
A wholesome Polynesian family band who dressed like the bag of M&Ms that comes out around Easter, and you couldn’t have named a single one of them even at the peak of their popularity. They were their own Kidz Bop. This is what our culture is missing right now. This is the void they should have pushed Malaya Watson into on American Idol. I am officially pining for the Jets.
6. Genesis, “Invisible Touch”
If any human being were a quarter as funny as mid-’80s Phil Collins thought he was, that person would be the greatest comedian in history.
If any human being were a quarter as funny as mid-’80s Phil Collins thought he was, that person would be the greatest comedian in history.
5. Janet Jackson, “Nasty”
We’ve made a great deal of comedic hay over “Miss Jackson if you’re nasty” over the years, but we never really made much of the lines just before, wherein she seems to indicate that her actual name is Janet Privacy Control.
We’ve made a great deal of comedic hay over “Miss Jackson if you’re nasty” over the years, but we never really made much of the lines just before, wherein she seems to indicate that her actual name is Janet Privacy Control.
4. Howard Jones, “No One Is to Blame”
In the just-released new wave oral history Mad World — which incidentally is a must-read — Howard Jones explains his songwriting strategy, which is simply to say positive things in the most direct way possible. There is no wordplay, no subtext, no hidden meanings. “Things Can Only Get Better” means exactly that and nothing more. And this one is about the fact that you will be attracted to people even if you’re in a relationship, and that’s cool, as long as you don’t act on it. The end. In the tawdry pop climate of the ’80s, Howard Jones was like Joe Montana in that SNL Sincere Guy Stu sketch.
In the just-released new wave oral history Mad World — which incidentally is a must-read — Howard Jones explains his songwriting strategy, which is simply to say positive things in the most direct way possible. There is no wordplay, no subtext, no hidden meanings. “Things Can Only Get Better” means exactly that and nothing more. And this one is about the fact that you will be attracted to people even if you’re in a relationship, and that’s cool, as long as you don’t act on it. The end. In the tawdry pop climate of the ’80s, Howard Jones was like Joe Montana in that SNL Sincere Guy Stu sketch.
3. El DeBarge, “Who’s Johnny”
And then there’s this one, the single most confusing and bewildering pop song of all time. Because who is Johnny? Is El DeBarge Johnny, in which case why is he so happy about the girl pretending not to know his name? Is Johnny some other guy he thinks this girl is seeing, and if so, why is it “great to be alive”? And how does the robot from Short Circuit fit into all of this? Commenters, please enlighten me.
And then there’s this one, the single most confusing and bewildering pop song of all time. Because who is Johnny? Is El DeBarge Johnny, in which case why is he so happy about the girl pretending not to know his name? Is Johnny some other guy he thinks this girl is seeing, and if so, why is it “great to be alive”? And how does the robot from Short Circuit fit into all of this? Commenters, please enlighten me.
2. Simply Red, “Holding Back the Years”
That autumn, my class took a field trip to see a local production of A Streetcar Named Desire, the entire first act of which I spent staring at the body of the guy playing Stanley, wondering whether the rather obvious jock strap he was wearing was a character choice or for his own safety. At intermission, as I was scooching out of my row, I heard a voice: “Dave. DAAAAAVE!” I looked up, and beaming, flailing two black turtleneck cuffs in an enthusiastic double-wave, was Simply Fred, whose school had come to the show too. “Dave, How aaaare you?” “Simp … Fred! HIIiiiii … ” I felt the eyes of 50 classmates upon me. I sensed the ammunition being stored. I was about to get the attention of a building full of pubescent boys in ties. My eyes must have said something close to “I told you never to call me here,” because after a second or two, Simply Fred’s eyes said: “I am so sorry.” We looked at each other for a long second, nodded, and went our separate ways. On the line for the bus after the show, my friend Jim patted me on the back and whispered into my ear: “You might want to lay low for a little while.”
That autumn, my class took a field trip to see a local production of A Streetcar Named Desire, the entire first act of which I spent staring at the body of the guy playing Stanley, wondering whether the rather obvious jock strap he was wearing was a character choice or for his own safety. At intermission, as I was scooching out of my row, I heard a voice: “Dave. DAAAAAVE!” I looked up, and beaming, flailing two black turtleneck cuffs in an enthusiastic double-wave, was Simply Fred, whose school had come to the show too. “Dave, How aaaare you?” “Simp … Fred! HIIiiiii … ” I felt the eyes of 50 classmates upon me. I sensed the ammunition being stored. I was about to get the attention of a building full of pubescent boys in ties. My eyes must have said something close to “I told you never to call me here,” because after a second or two, Simply Fred’s eyes said: “I am so sorry.” We looked at each other for a long second, nodded, and went our separate ways. On the line for the bus after the show, my friend Jim patted me on the back and whispered into my ear: “You might want to lay low for a little while.”
It’s the song Dan Fogelberg forgot to write.
1. Billy Ocean, “There’ll Be Sad Songs”
And after all that, after this summer Top 40 full of Madonna and sex and middle-aged whites and post-new-wavers and nasty boys, this forgotten wet noodle from Billy Ocean is No. 1. Pam, you’re at it again.
And after all that, after this summer Top 40 full of Madonna and sex and middle-aged whites and post-new-wavers and nasty boys, this forgotten wet noodle from Billy Ocean is No. 1. Pam, you’re at it again.